Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
