take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
This is my life. Enjoy the view
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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