Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
