they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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