I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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