I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
