also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
