i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
