and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
did i walk over a car last night?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
