and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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