Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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