I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
