so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
