So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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