There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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