guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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