do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
