He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
