I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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