just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
