I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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