she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
