Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
