it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
