If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
