So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Vodka?
Forever.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
