Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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