apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
