Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
