Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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