And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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