I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
