If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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