her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
tequila makes me forget i have legs
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
