My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
