gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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