Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
