After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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