there's paper in my vomit.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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