To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Randomize
