I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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