I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
