sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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