I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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