Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
