I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
