I showed him my bush... on skype.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
