I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize