mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
