she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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