And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
