Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize