Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
