WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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