That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize