ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
