does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
