Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
