He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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