a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
