dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
