This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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