The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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