His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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