There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize