i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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