I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I love you. Go after that dick
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
