Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
