Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
