one two three fourrrrnication!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
ttyl tear gas
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
