tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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