love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
