I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
