The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
