you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
