i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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