You can't motorboat a personality
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
