Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
