somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
