Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
