I am spending my child support on dildos
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize