margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
