Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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