I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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