A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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