There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
