There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize