barbara walters just said penis...
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My bed smells like the plague
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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