I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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